there's too much fucking swearing in this song
there's too much fucking swearing in this song
there's too much fucking swearing, too much fucking swearing
there's too much fucking swearing in this song

well i always called a spade a spade
used the words they made me use in school
where mum would drag me by the arm
when i wrote a song on a toy guitar
convinced that i could be a star
i used the words that dad used on the farm

now i took my song to school one day
the teacher invited me up to play
before the class, it didn't last too long
well, some kids laughed & one kid cried
& the teacher pulled me aside & said
there's too much fucking swearing in that song

there's too much fucking swearing in that song
there's too much fucking swearing in that song
well you said shit & that was ok but you went too far the other way
there's too much fucking swearing in that song

so i played at fetes & in chicken coops
& joined all the usual religious groups
or anywhere that girls were found in throngs
when i pulled my guitar out to play
my mother drove them all away
cos there's too much fucking swearing in his songs

so i ran away to a life at sea
the navy seemed the place for me
but they pulled a guitar out there before too long
with singing shanties i soon got bored
had the sailors jumping overboard
cos there's too much fucking swearing in his song

there's too much fucking swearing in this song
there's too much fucking swearing in this song
well you said shit & that was ok but you went too far the other way
there's too much fucking swearing in this song

so i went to LA cos i wanted to rap
& round i turned my baseball cap
seemed as good a place as any to lose my mind
& i threw my guitar in a hired car
& i drove to the head of a&r
of the biggest record company i could find

took him thirteen weeks to call me at home
i think there was something wrong with his phone
but his secretary fixed it which was nice
she said "we can squeeze you in around three"
i said "that sounds just fine by me"
& i was there before you could say "who's vanilla ice?"

he said "well, you're white & that's no good
cos you stand there like a piece of wood
& you wouldn't know black rhythm if it bit ya
& you couldn't scare a buttercup
but maybe if you listen up
my boot won't be the last thing that'll hit ya

y'see kids today want something mean
something hard, something obscene
something, anything their folks can hate
so i pick up their rebellion neat
& polish it with dirt from the street
& serve it back in a jewel case for a plate

not bad for a lower eastside jew
if they swallow that they'll swallow you
i think i know exactly where you went wrong"
then he said "i've got it, you'll go far
we'll name you after a chocolate bar
but you need more fucking swearing in your songs"

you need more fucking swearing in your songs
you need more fucking swearing in your songs
well you said shit but fuck me dead
that was fucking all you fucking said
you need more fucking swearing in your songs

by now there's too much fucking swearing in this song
there's too much fucking swearing in this song
well you said shit & that was ok but you went too far the other way
there's too much fucking swearing in this song